Genre: Romance, Angst. Chara-death
Summary : Inlicted with tumor, Kris know that his love will show him the best way to the end.
Oh, when you smile, sunshine…
—October 14th 2013
I am in a plain, white room right now. The window beside my bed get white transparent curtain attached to the upper windowsill. The curtain wafts away. Someone must have opened the window.
That’s when I hear the door being opened. A petite girl comes inside.
“Ah, Yifan… You wake up already? I thought you’d sleep longer.”
I feel calm rushing through my body hearing her voice. She’s like an angel to me. Even now when she doesn’t put any make-up or wearing stylish clothes. She’s a new model since three months ago, and look at how humble she is for appearing as ordinary as ever like that!
“Are you making fun of me? Do you want to compare me to Suho? No, thanks. I’m young inside and outside so no need to act like an old man and sleep longer.” She chuckles. Ah, she always chuckles at everything I said. I love her chuckles.
“Okay, then. I’ll bring you your breakfast.” She ruffles my hair softly before turning back, walking to the doorway.
The air is cold these days. Maybe it’s because the air conditioning which is always on. Still, her presence can warm me so I don’t complain about that. Besides, what can I do when I can’t really move as I please. I’ve got tumor in my neck, on the left side. It may looks like it’s just in my neck while actually, in the inside, it has reached my brain. Yeah, my freaking brain. My life won’t be that long. I have been hospitalized for some months—I lost count—already. I don’t know how long I have stared at the window, at the sunrays peeking through the white curtain until I feel a small table being adjusted in front of me.
“Here you go! Hee-hee. Hey, stop daydreaming in the morning.”
My meal is just like any hospital meals. Tasteless porridges. I take a spoon of it but before it enters my mouth, she holds my hand.
She shakes head, “It’s still fresh, and hot, you have to blow it first, Honey.” I smile a bit. She blows it for me.
Then, the porridge doesn’t taste so bad after all.
I am two years older than Lee Jieun. We met after a basketball match between my school and other school. Since it was the final match, everyone from other schools came to watch. My team lost that day. Nonetheless, it was fun.
I was buying Cola after the match when I bumped into someone I couldn’t see. Hm, where’s he? I lowered my view and saw a little girl—well, not little actually, she was just short—looking at me in horror. Hm, okay so it’s a she, but why did she look at me like I was some kind of ghost?
“A-ah… I’m sorry! I’ll buy you a new one.” With that, she dashed to—I don’t know where. I looked down and found that my t-shirt was wet and my drink was on the ground. How come I just realized that my t-shirt is wet?
Not too long after, she came back running and panting, and handed me a drink. It looked like Cola but somehow I doubted it. I took a sip and it turned out that it was tea. She is looking down, hands on her knees. “I think you need this more than I am.” I offered her my drink but she rejected it.
“No, thanks. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s okay. Actually I don’t mind at all, sweet girl.”
Wait. What? I wanted to curse at my own stupidity. But she seems not too bothered by it, so I quickly bid her farewell without looking back.
Meeting by another meeting coincidentally at train, on the sidewalk, in front of her school, we got closer. And she didn’t seem to reject me. I mustered up my courage and tell her what I feel. She just smiled and nodded, and I couldn’t forget the rosy color on her fat cheeks. Oh, I hadn’t said that she is cute, with that round body, had I? It was very cute to see.
I remember well that it was seven months ago. A few days after that day, she said that she was going to do jogging every day. I didn’t mind. If losing weight made her happier then it’s fine with me. It didn’t feel that long when she decided to send her photo to a random beauty contest around high school. She’s kinda photogenic, you know. And an agency who likes her cute features decided to ask her to be their cover girl, which she accepted gladly, looking for a job nowadays was so difficult so she wouldn’t let it go to waste. Her little job had begun from there. Almost every time, I would bring her to the studio late on the afternoon on work day or in the morning when it was weekend or holiday. By that time, the pile on my neck started to showing up bit by bit.
I always feel lucky to meet her. Such a caring person she is. But I no longer see her chubby face, she loses her weight fast after she became a new model. But she loves modeling so much, as much as I love basketball. I bring my hand to her cheek, and she looks up from the sport tabloid she’s reading.
“Your face becomes softer… and thinner….”
She smiles a little. “Yeah, the agency needs me to lose weight so I did. And they ask me to go to spa sometime.”
“By the way, any news there?” I point with my chin towards the tabloid in her hands.
“Yeah, Deong-Il High won the province competition this year.”
As usual, she would stay by my side, sometimes telling me stories about her day, reading sport tabloid that I like, or bringing me outside by wheel chair.
It is Sunday. That’s why she can accompany me until very late in the afternoon. When she waves at me, I can see her ring finger glows under the orange sun light. That’s the ring I gave when we went to the beach. I want to promise her I will give her the real one but I haven’t got the chance yet. I keep reminding myself but I keep forgetting it, too. But one thing for sure, tomorrow I’ll be alone.
Jieun comes to my room when I am asleep. When I stir from my slumber, I see her frowning. She brings her hand up to my cheeks and wipes them ever so softly.
“Why did you cry?”
Stupid me! I let myself cry to sleep today. I don’t know why, usually I’ve never been like that. But I remember that I met my grandfather in my dream just now, though. “I don’t… know?”
“Yifan… you can tell me.” Her hands are lowered onto mine and hold them.
“But seriously I don’t know, Honey.” I see her sighing.
She doesn’t push me further after that. She rests her head on my side with hand still holding onto mine. The afternoon sun shines onto her face, making her white face like glowing. It’s beautiful. The warmth she shared is so comforting. But suddenly I have a gut feeling. I watched her closed eyes. Then her face. There are soft wrinkles on her brow. I wonder how hard her work is. I know she looks tired, but… I don’t want her to stop coming here. “Because you are my sunshine….” I don’t know since when I become this weak. My pants are dirtied with droplets of water.
I want to see her bright smile. I want to bring that smile upon her lips. I want to accompany her to work every time. How would I do that? I move my hand to her shoulder, pulling her into an awkward hug.
My body trembles over hers. She gets up to hug me back. “There, there. I’m here.”
“I… I want to see the moon….” That’s what I said eventually.
Jieun glances at the window; she can’t see the moon from here. “Let’s go to the garden at the next pavilion, alright?”
We sit on a damp garden bench. A blanket covers my body as I sit with Jieun in my arm. I throw my gaze to the sky and don’t find a moon there. I look at Jieun who hasn’t said anything since we sit here. Rocking her arms, she finally looks up.
“The moon doesn’t shine.”
“I can see it.”
“I mean, the moon won’t shine.”
“Since you are my sunshine, the moon won’t shine if you don’t smile. It reflects you, you know. Smile for me?”
She pinches my left arm. She smiles a bit.
“Oh, man. Wider, please?”
She smiles a bit wider.
I put my finger on each tip of her lips and pull it to the sides, making her face so funny to see.
“Ey, stop that! Okay, okay. Here’s your order.” I chuckles at her tone, which is like a waitress in the restaurant.
She smiles so bright. Her eyes shine through mine and I don’t know how long I stare into her face, her eyes, when there’s light from the side shining her face, making her more beautiful. I turned to the side to see the clouds that cover the moon have moved.
“See? The moon will shine if the sun shone.” I flick my finger at her nose teasingly. She giggles quietly and nudges my left arm, holding it tightly. Then we watch, as the moon gets lower and lower inch by inch as minutes passed by.
I feel safe and happy here. The most calming place to be is just on her shoulder.
I don’t know how long we stay but I feel so light and rest my head on her head.
Vaguely, I hear her says. “Yifan….”
a/n: I was writing this in about 4 hours, while listening to Baby Don’t Cry (Chen’s voice is always able to move my heart, thanks to him for getting me the feeling). And this is a cross-post from my fb account. Thank you for reading.